The real challenge is not to write a music that will change history. It’s to do it with digital tools during the 1% of the time they work as advertised.
Play the violin and mosquitoes line up to bite you. Now there’s a hint.
A sousaphone is a whistle designed by Microsoft. A toy piano is a concert grand designed by Apple.
In nature, music is a call to sex. Make sure you pursue a musical career for the right reason.
Anyone can play a difficult piece at 10,000 bpm. Just sit on the piano keys.
They call Apple’s composing software Logic for what it needs a lot more of.
The nice thing about a marimba is, you can mess with the iPhone users in the room.
Do Hawaiians play Jamaican reggae because rappers mugged them out of their talk over drums style?
If Gerswhin had a PC, we might be listening to “Rhapsody in Bluescreen OD” now. One of his two completed works.
What’s the bundle of TNT sticks in this grand? Oh, Steinway now uses copy protection?
The less sense one’s job makes, the more trumpets announce him.
There is such a thing as a disposable instrument. It’s called a computer. Felt good to toss, huh.
A harp is a peeled piano. Like Reggae is peeled Speedcore.
“Create any sound. Limited only by your imagination!” – first ad draft for triangle. Perplexingly rejected.
Cymbal: round discs which produce a spectacular crash at the song’s climax. Just like software.
He was a ventriloquist with a puppet first. Then he sold parakeets. Now he plays piano for a singing diva.
They score porn with dance music in case we want to dance to it. You noticed, right?
One needs a recording studio to go through all the mistakes. Mostly the manufacturers’.
Why hijack a flight? Just practice singing on it until enough $$$ collects for a ticket.
Had God tried to use this harmonizer, we’d have 11 Commandments today.
A great composer can synthesize all the musical know-how. Except how to make a living of it.
Say, when they started this Stalingrad Symphony recital, didn’t Stalingrad still stand?
We wed to the sound of pipe organ, the flies make love to it. No wonder they outnumber us.
I write a zinger whenever studio technology frustrates the living daylights out of me. The stuff above is a day’s harvest.
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So one starts thinking where people use chairs for extended sitting sessions. Decommissioned airplanes! A quick check on eBay, and yup, someone is selling a Boeing 727 observer’s seat for just $175. Looks more like a WW2 military latrine cover, though. Tell studio visitors this came out of a Boeing, and they’ll just laugh. Time for Plan B: let’s head for the Elegant Leather Seat Forest. Also known as the city’s car junkyard.
My Plan A was to remove all car seat rail screws to make the two rails flat. Then I can attach a wooden plate to the rails, and the office chair leg to the plate. Look Ma, no welding! Nice plan, but a few twists to the round screw heads of the seat rail quickly convinced me, they won’t come off during this Presidential administration. Nor the next.
Once the glue set, I put together the car chair, the plate and the office chair leg, trying to get a feel where to center things for the best balance. At the best setting I sprayed from underneath to get a black dot on the wooden plate where the leg part’s screw holes fall. I drilled the wooden plate at those locations and spray painted it black next. 
