Zinging the studio blues

Posted by George in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The real challenge is not to write music. It’s to finish it before the gear hangs.

Play the violin and mosquitoes line up to bite you. Now there’s a hint.

We all work in show business. Some just don’t realize.

What you call Gregorian chant sped up 8 times? Rap.

Anyone can play a difficult piece at 10,000 bpm. Just sit on the piano keys.

They call Apple’s composing software Logic for what it seems to need more of.

To do the same thing and expect a different result is the definition of insanity or a music career.

To find the iPhone users in the room, play some marimba.

If Beethoven composed on a computer, he might have completed three works in his life.

What musicians need is a Spotify Bank where one can take out unlimited funds for $9.99 a month.

What’s the bundle of TNT sticks in this grand piano? Oh, Steinway now uses copy protection?

The less sense one’s job makes, the more trumpets announce him.

A harp is a peeled piano.

I’m learning the iTunes Player. I put in a Skrillex song, pressed “Shuffle” and Beethoven’s 5th came out.

“Create any sound. Limited only by your imagination!” – first ad draft for triangle. Perplexingly rejected.

Cymbal: round discs which produce a spectacular crash at the song’s climax. Just like software.

He was a ventriloquist with a puppet first. Then he sold parakeets. Now he plays piano for a singing diva.

They score porn with dance music in case we want to dance to it. You noticed, right?

One needs a recording studio to go through all the mistakes. Mostly the manufacturers’.

I asked the saleslady for a Music Minus One Chopin Mazurkas CD. She said sure and gave me a drink coaster. Even score.

Why hijack a flight? Just practice singing on it until enough $$$ collects for a ticket.

Had God tried to use this harmonizer, we’d have 11 Commandments today.

A great classical composer can synthesize all the musical know-how. Except how to make a living of it.

Say, when they started this Stalingrad Symphony recital, didn’t Stalingrad still stand?

I write a zinger whenever studio gear frustrates the daylights out of me. Guess you can tell I’ve been using the harmonizer again.

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